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Do you think you have a troubled marriage? Unfortunately many people do. While about half of all marriages end in divorce, this doesn't mean that the other half is necessarily peaceful and happy! Some people stay in a relationship for the sake of the children or because there is a stigma about divorce, or because they're hoping to repair and heal the relationship rather than abandon it. While sometimes it seems as if a troubled marriage is just always going to be that way, usually a problematic relationship boils down to a few small things that have gone unchecked over the years. And for most, it's one big thing that is causing their troubled marriage, that is, selfishness.

It's very easy for partners to become selfish and to always insist that their way is right or that everyone do what they want to do. And of course if they don't get their own way, they can become resentful, angry, and even have something of a temper tantrum! These types of behaviors are common in any troubled marriage, and it's usually both partners that contribute at least a bit to the problem with their own ways of being selfish. Setting aside selfish desires and opinions is the best tip you can get to help your troubled marriage, but often it's the hardest thing to do.

To see if selfishness is part of your relationship and the problems you're experiencing, ask yourself how often you get your own way or ignore what your spouse is trying to say when he or she disagrees? Often a spouse may speak up about their own opinions only to have the other person tune them out and dismiss their thoughts. This is going to cause a troubled marriage in any case! It's important to listen to what your partner is saying or is trying to say without dismissing or ignoring them. It's also important to remember that neither one of you is more important than the other! If you prefer to do things one way and your spouse has a different preference, why is your opinion or what you want more important than what they want or are comfortable with? Very often the root of a troubled marriage is one partner insisting on their own way and getting very upset when they don't get it. Compromise is a key ingredient in a happy relationship, and compromise means that very often you're not going to get exactly what you want. But by setting selfishness aside and thinking of the two of you as two halves of a whole rather than stubbornly insisting on your own way, you can help your troubled marriage and get yourself on the path to a good relationship. Thinking that you should have your own way and getting upset or throwing a tantrum when you don't get it is what a child does, not a grown-up adult really trying to have a good relationship and trying to save their troubled marriage.

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by Marjorie Black View Marjorie's Blog

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